


Guard Thy Heart

by aurla0



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I Tried, M/M, Sadstuck, Sober Gamzee, redrom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 20:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurla0/pseuds/aurla0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Keep thy heart with all diligence - Above all keeping, guard thy heart.’ </p><p>A GamTav/PB+J fanfiction</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guard Thy Heart

Guard Thy Heart

 

\----

_‘Keep thy heart with all diligence - Above all keeping, guard thy heart.’_

**_Proverbs 4:23_ **

\----

**< 3**

In the beginning-

In the beginning there was a little troll

He had one heart.

Just as any other troll has one heart.

and

_(the difference is in the blood of course it always is)_

_(the difference is that he gave it away so many sweeps ago for kind kind lovely eyes)_

_(the difference is that it was torn out of his chest remember remember noNOnoNO **NONOnoNO** )_

He gave it away a long time ago, when his father-goat-lusus used to emerge from murky waters every day to greet him. When he didn’t yet understand the killer-bloodthirsty rumbling voices that lurked somewhere deep within his thinkpan. When he had never tasted so much as a drop of _aDdIcTiVe_ InToXiCaTiNg **DeStRuCtIvE** vIrIdIaN rEvErIe sOlIdIfIeD pAn-rOtTiNg green. Before a haze of verdant fog blanketed his mind and gently shooshed his worries away like a moirail (nononoKarkatneedKarkat) and quashed the itching terror-laughter bubbling up from his most instinctual part of being. Before the acid metallic stinging of lime green sopor sliding down his throat became as familiar to him as breathing, as his heart beating.

Before.

There was a troll.

There were

K  i  n  d      e  y  e  s

W  a  r  m     s  m  i  l  e  s

S  w  e  e  t     w  o  r  d  s

And  he

F

           E

                       L

                                    L

So far down but he still couldn’t see the bottom nor the top.

But it was fine, it was all fine

Because Tavros _(kindeyeswarmsmilessweetwords)_ was there and it was all Tavros and though the haze dyed everything in shades of sopor-sedated-green he still saw his brown-rust miracles. Shy copper-tinted words danced across his husktop screen and across his mind even when he closed his eyes.

He spends perigees glancing over chocolate and indigo chatlogs, eyes blindly staring at unsure words until he could recite every single ‘uM,’ by his dark cold highblood heart.

Softly spiking dark hair shaved into one stripe and large horns painted in sunset-fading-gently orange yellow red. Gray irises someday to fade into miracle lowblood orange-rust-brown.  The most motherfucking pitiful personality known to trollkind, gentle and peaceful and kind like no troll is.

Maybe he should feel fear for his gentle (too kind too WEAK) redredred flushcrush but he can’t seem to muster up any kind of bad feeling. The green fog soothes all the bad angry feelings away and leaves him feeling fuzzy-friendly-happy. It’s good to be friendly, because otherwise he might scare his Tavbro away, he’s a skittish motherfucker.

_(remember not to be too friendly, elsewise Tavbro might decide not to talk to you anymore and you don’t know what to do if that happens.)_

And then-

there’s an accident

That **_(MOTHERFUCKING)_** accident that takes not Tavros’s life but his legs instead, steals his future away in the blink of eight eyes and a sharp shove.

**_(how dare you touch him how dare you hurt him you motherfucking bitch ill motherfucking bash your head in spiderbitch just you MOTHERFUCKING WAIT)_ **

But hey he’s chill with it if Tavbro is. No use getting worked up-

**_(you can motherfucking laugh all you like ill CULL you one day bitch i wont forget i wont forgive)_ **

-over something that’s already been forgiven and forgotten.

The silvery wheelchair soon is overlooked, becoming just an extension of his beloved.

**_(i wont let you be culled i will make that bitch pay in her fucking sky-blue blood a thousand times over i wont forget i promise i wont forget)_ **

And life moves on.

He finds himself pitying Tavbro more and more, his heart brimming with bright-candy-red feelings

He wants to crawl inside the sienna troll, slip between the bone-ivory fence of his ribs and curl his lanky frame around the tawny-brown bloodpusher guarded within. He wants to breathe Tavros in, to course through copper veins and drown the other troll with the red-bright crimson pity that consumes him.

He wants to love

He wants to live

He wants-

but

      things

                 never

                           seem

                                      to

                                            work

                                                       out

                                                                the

                                                                        way

                                                                                 you

                                                                                        want

                                                                                                 them

                                                                                                           to

**and the sopor runs out**

**.**

**SHOOT to MAIM like your darling was MAIMED**

**_(the arrow makes a pleasing sound as it pierces blue-grey skin and spills filthy blue blood)_ **

**.**

**STEAL his BREATH like yours was STOLEN**

**_(he has no right to it no right at all choke him cull him)_ **

**.**

**BREAK his HEART like yours was BROKEN**

**_(no blood flows anymore only pain and three lines of white fire scoring his face_ ** _[sorry kitty-sis i’ll remember i will]_ _**break her skull, splash her blood)**_

**.**

**CULL the BITCH who TOOK HIM FROM YOU**

**_(motherfucking bitch died easy so easy why it isn’t fair it isn’t fair)_ **

**.**

**DAMN them ALL for living when HE DOESN’T**

**_(it isnt fair it isnt fair damn them damn it FUUUCK!)_ **

**.**

 

and he ends up alone in the freezing metal air vents

with green-blue blood on his hands _(motherfucking horse-fucker didn’t deserve to live but he didn’t mean never meant for kitty-sis to get involved)_

 a fractured diamond _(sorry Karkat so sorry)_

a twisted tainted spade _(HOW DARE SHE STEAL HIS VENGEANCE)_

and a cold blood-stained head in his hands where he wanted a warm beating breathing heart ( _he can’t **breathe**_ )

and there’s nothing left for him anymore but the voices ordering him here and there

nothing left but the will of the motherfucking mirthful messiahs sending him to

**destroy**

**the**

**universe**

(there’s no paradise left for him but at least he won’t have to live this hell on earth anymore he won’t have to live without Tavros anymore)

**_(he gave his heart away)_ **

Those kind eyes are perpetually frozen into a look of terror _(he didn’t even get to revenge him he loathes the dragon-bitch in a darker, **blacker** way than romantic)_

Those warm smiles are nowhere to be found on ice-cold lips _(for all he closes his eyes he cannot pretend that there is someone kissing him back)_

Those sweet words are lost to him forever _(and dead trolls tell no tales and he wonders why anytroll has a right to life when his love has none)_

There are no more miracles for him.

_(what’s left of the troll called Gamzee Makara dies in those vents)_

**_(and then the world crushed it.)_ **

**:’o(**

**Author's Note:**

> welp, i tried.
> 
> Please comment! :)


End file.
